Figuring Out My North Star

The New Normal

These days, I find myself asking more often: Exactly what am I supposed to be doing right now, and why? 

In less than a decade, our society has seen the Great Resignation to mass layoffs; from the championing of corporate Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives to the public dismantling of these values; from excitement about innovation to the unease about AI taking over the world (or destroying it from climate change). Disruption of major life milestones. COVID-19 (still not over it), eggs, tariffs, WW3? And these are all things we can witness unfold in real time, just one scroll away.

From what I’m noticing, this constant wave of ‘unprecedented’ change has left a lot of us floating between burnout, uncertainty, and indifference. But knowing this, I wanted to explore: What do you do when the rules keep shifting? When the goalposts move and the corporate ladder disappears? When even the adultier adults seem out of their league. When you become the adultier adult, gasp.

The Concrete Wall Extended 

A bit ago, I reintroduced the concrete wall theory, a metaphor describing impenetrable barriers that block socioeconomic mobility for underrepresented, first-generation leaders. While the “glass ceiling” implies some visibility into what lies ahead, the concrete wall doesn’t even let you see what's on the other side. 

Now, I believe this theory can be applied to everyday life. Traditional leadership advice assumes stability, but – leadership aside – for many of us, uncertainty is the default in many ways that affect us outside of work. 

Developing A Compass

Despite everything, we have to continue whatever path we choose -- stay accountable to it despite the consequences.

So, for me, chaos has always been an invitation of sorts. A chance to pick up all of the shattered pieces and retrofit them into my puzzle for the future. It’s become an opportunity to shape the unknown into something I understand -- into whatever I want.

But the illumination of this power to shape my life into whatever I want has been a newer revelation for me. I had been doing it all along, but for some reason, I feel more accountable to myself. My life and my decisions are in my hands, and no matter what I choose, there will be a consequence, whether 'good' or 'bad'.

Growing my business -- work, arduous work.

Marriage -- eternally locked in.

Children -- children, lol.

Moving out of state -- you're away from family and friends.

This -- that.

Yin -- yang.

Like its cultural significance throughout history, a north star is a symbol of constancy, guidance, and hope, representing a fixed point in a changing world. It’s also a real star -- Polaris -- affixed in our night sky as one of the most used measurements for celestial navigation. Out of all the stars, that’s the one to follow.

So the most powerful skill I’ve developed is learning how to check in, like really check in, with myself all the time, not just when things feel off, not just to continue with the rigid image of who I think I should be.

Detaching myself from the velcro of external perception hasn't made this process easy, especially coming from a reformed people-pleaser. But here are some ways that I'm learning to develop my compass when I need to recenter.

Mission, vision, and values. Stat.

As a brand strategist, I lead what I like to call ‘brand therapy’ sessions, or workshops, where we untangle a company’s purpose and bring it back into focus. But I realize the value in doing the same for myself. Yes, I've grown up with some of these things, but are they still who I am 30-something years later?

So mission, vision, and values are personal (and somewhat existential) anchors that we should all revisit: 

• Mission - why you exist (scary, right)

• Vision - where you’re going

• Values - how you move through the world 

Though it shifts from time to time, this audit brings clarity on the knowns and unknowns. When challenges arise (and they will), it becomes a mirror that keeps me from drifting away from my original vision. Something I can look at and say, ‘Remember when you said that a week ago?’ Then I can cringe and say that’s so not me today, lol. But at least I have a reference point, right?

Learn into the urge.

By actively seeking out knowledge on what I don't understand, uncertainty becomes a moment for growth instead of fear.

• Pick a focus. Whether it’s AI, a culture/lifestyle, etc., stay curious and go toward it. For me, it was finance. As an entrepreneur with varying monthly income, I listen to almost every tax, finance, funding, etc., webinar that comes across my inbox. I’ve become obsessed with steering my financial destiny, when truthfully, it was rather intimidating at first. Intimidated by money? I know, how insane. But something finally clicked that if I couldn't understand and manage Level 2, I couldn't do the same at Level 20. And it’s changed my entire mindset across all that I do. Aside from finance and professional stuff, I would go into all of the things I've researched and delved into, but I'm not sure you all are ready for that yet, lol.

• Get in the room. I can’t stress how important it was for me to meet people in person and the doors it opened over the past two years. Plus, it leaves room for serendipity, not a manufactured, calculated, algorithmic response (you can save that for later). After spending two years making sure to meet as many people as possible, I’ve entered into my 'very curated relationships' era, but sometimes I lean into the urge of being seen.

Log off. That's it. That's the tweet.

It's weird, but the digital world has kept us connected and isolated at the same time. It’s easy to go days without human interaction outside of texts, Zoom, or DMs. But humans require real people that you can see and touch, especially if you came out of the pandemic to your 30s and suddenly have to figure out who you are while building a rapidly growing business, no? Just me? Okay.

But I’m learning that small interactions matter:

• Saying hello to my neighbors instead of rapidly pressing the ‘close door’ button on the elevator.

• Grabbing my new favorite cookies from the locally owned grocery store instead of the big one. Stopping for a five-minute convo at the liquor store when I pick up a bottle for a pregame.

• Texting a friend, even if it feels like a weird time. I don’t care if it’s 4:46 am. *hits send

As a strong, independent woman (lol), I’ve officially broken down enough to stop with the perfection act and lean into unfiltered reach-outs and spirals with my friends and family. Because, though I know it’s hard to see through the algorithm and propaganda sometimes, connection doesn’t need to be perfectly timed or well-packaged. 

Honorable Mention: Rest.

I was obsessed with what I call “vanity metrics” -- what I was accomplishing, who I was getting in front of, what I was doing next. Then I had an aha: I’m feeling rather introverted, which is a stark difference from the extroverted self I was last year. And in that moment, I laid down my networking crusade and picked up saving energy. Relearning what feels good and what doesn’t. Revisiting my why.

I’m changing. And this new, quieter, slower person deserves all the space to stretch out and grow. The world, and all its craziness, will still be here when I’m ready to go full throttle again.

The Point

Uncertainty has always been part of the story. When things feel weird, I try to remember that this is simply a part of being human. The invention of the Internet? Y2K. Remember the iPod/iPhone? So crazy. Like, I can only imagine the complete and utter shock of the Industrial Revolution. But no matter how many gadgets and tools we create, we’ll never be able to predict the future.

While the concrete wall may still be here, we know how to spot it. Everybody can feel it, because it appears to be spreading beyond its original meaning.

And while I can’t wait for world peace and stabilization to go after what I want, I can build a stronger internal compass, a rock-solid foundation. In the process, I’ve found that my north star requires that I stand firm in who I am and what I believe, regardless of 'unprecedented' circumstances.